…they said to him, ‘You are not also one of His disciples, are you?’ He (Peter) denied it and said, ‘I am not!’ John 18:25
Peter’s words show the impossibility of discipleship. Peter said them only hours after protesting and affirming his devotion to Jesus Christ even to death. But here he spoke the opposite: “I am not”. These words echo the great ‘I ams’ of Jesus in John’s Gospel. Peter ‘was not’ in terms of spiritual life and the power to love – he lacked being, he needed power to live. God’s choice of people is based on their willingness to face themselves in the searching light of the Holy Spirit. Peter faced reality at this point, and he realised his need of a miracle in his being. True disciples have not merely received an anointing that sets them apart. They have been broken, and are aware of their own weakness. This brokenness releases the power of the Holy Spirit, and for this reason our spiritual power is in relation to our brokenness. Peter never again trusted in his own power of devotion. He drew from the total devotion of the Holy Spirit to Jesus. The Holy Spirit loves Jesus, and is the source and power of true discipleship.
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